Topic A : A Different Spin on the World Around Us : Hail to the Chief . . . of Yale?

Rumor has it that George Bush might become president of his alma mater, Yale University, after leaving the White House.

A possible preview:

* May, 1993: Violent student protests erupt after Bush breaks his “Read my lips, no new tuition hikes” pledge. He later blames the increase on “the liberal faculty senate.”

* June, 1993: Clarence Thomas is named visiting professor of women’s studies.

* August, 1993: Dean of Letters Dan Quayle inaugurates the Yale spelling be.

* September, 1993: Bush compares rival Ivy League football coaches to Adolf Hitler, says aggression toward Yale teams “will not stand” and appoints Stormin’ Norman Schwarzkopf athletics director.

* October, 1993: Yale invades Harvard.

* December, 1993: Best-selling author and former White House canine Millie is named editor of the Yale Law Review.

* January, 1994: At a faculty luncheon, Bush throws up on the lap of the chairman of the Japanese studies department.

* April, 1994: Director of Admissions and Records Elizabeth Tamposi searches the files of ex-Yalie Bill Clinton to see if he ever considered defecting to Princeton. Bush denies involvement, saying he was “out of the loop.”

* May, 1995: The School of Economics is renamed the School of Voodoo Economics.

* June, 1995: The university’s summer extension catalogue offers classes in mnemonics (taught by Ronald Reagan), business ethics (Neil Bush) and interpersonal communications (John Sununu).

* September, 1995: There’s a faculty outcry when enrollment plummets for the third straight semester. Bush, off campus negotiating a nuclear arms treaty with UC Berkeley, first denies there is a problem, then blames the media. His slogan: “Annoy the student newspaper. Support Chancellor Bush.”

* September, 1996: With enrollment down to 132 students, Bush finally offers a program to attract more pupils--free valet parking, fewer exams for business majors and “trickle-down enrollment,” which assumes that big scholarships for wealthy students will make it easier for poor students to pay tuition.

* January, 1997: After four years, the faculty votes to overthrow Bush and replace him with another ex-Yalie, Hillary Clinton.