Chaffing the Wheat

Earth Day, Schmearth Day. We blame this season’s mania for Metamucil-colored clothing on an ecological correctness movement run amok. It’s not enough that we recycle--we have to look bad, too?

A spring shopping spree this week found us wandering from one end of our favorite department store to another, lost in a sea of wheaty separates.

One too many pairs of drawstring pajama pants sent us screaming to the shoe department, where we found . . . wheaty espadrilles. Ugh.

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Photographer Terrible: Have we heard the last from Oliviero Toscani, whose images of HIV tattoos and blood-splattered soldiers’ uniforms are used--ostensibly--to sell Benetton clothing?

Not likely. But Toscani did resign this week as creative director of the Italian company in a very public dispute with the publisher of Benetton’s new magazine, Colors. “To understand business management, you need an education, you need to read books,” said the magazine’s managing director, Aldo Palmeri, “but Toscani’s cultural level is simply subhuman.”

Well, the Vatican, several European nations and other offended parties would no doubt agree. Toscani told Reuters news service that his adversary, “like all accountants, knows nothing of creative work.”

A Benetton spokeswoman said Toscani’s resignation has neither been accepted nor rejected. Stay tuned.

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Can We Talk?: Before we had our own cel phone, we smirked at those obnoxious creatures who prattled on in public, especially in restaurants.

Now we find ourselves blathering along with the best of them. And so can the patrons of the new Chit Chat cafe (formerly the China Club) in West Hollywood. Patrons can talk amongst themselves on phones thoughtfully provided by the management. You’ll need your cel phone for outside calls, though--this is strictly a table-to-table network.

And if you like what you hear, you can send over a drink along with any one of three messages: “Are you single?” “Call me,” or “Ditch your date.” Hello!?

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His Fashionable Honor: Just weeks ago, New York City Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani hosted a reception for the luminaries of New York’s fashion world. The event honored an industry vital to the city’s economy and, according to many, it was high time.

This week, L.A. fashion insiders are buzzing about the appearance of our own Mayor Richard Riordan at Saturday night’s California designers’ show of their fall collections. The affair, at Downtown’s Variety Arts Center, honors the 30th anniversary of the CaliforniaMart and the 50th anniversary of California Apparel News, a trade publication. Among the 11 designers whose clothes will be shown are Van Buren, ISDA & Co. and Imaginary Concepts. No word yet on what the mayor will wear.

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A Salt-Free Diet: A New York research group has found that nearly 80% of Americans take tub baths instead of showers. And half of all bathing Americans add something to their bath water. (Use your imagination, but know that the survey was sponsored by the Epson Salt Industry Council.)

Women, not surprisingly, are twice as likely to add to their bath as men. But it was the regional breakdown that took us aback. While 68% of Chicago bathers and 40% of Eastern Seaboard bathers use additives, only 25% of us out West use anything beyond the tap. Guess we’re not such sybarites after all.

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Making Hay the Cable Way: In his debut on the Home Shopping Club last Saturday, Rodeo retailer Fred Hayman wowed ‘em in the heartland. For the cable TV shopping crowd, Hayman made less expensive versions of the jewelry and purses he makes for his store, and offered a new fragrance, Personal Selection FH. He sold 6,000 bottles of scent at $29.95 each. The 1,000 leather handbags (top price: $99.95) sold out.

On-air callers praised him erroneously for the fragrance Red (he’d sold the Giorgio fragrance business to Avon years before Red debuted), but the gentlemanly Swiss-born retailer took it in stride. He invited some of the callers to lunch if they were ever in the neighborhood.

“It’s a different audience, certainly, than who we’ve catered to,” he said before going on camera. “We’re reaching people we’ve never reached.”

Oh, but then there was that on-air call from Gloria DeHaven, retired 1940s movie star, who’d been a customer. “Still a Size 4?” Hayman pulled from his memory. Yes, she said, she still was.

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Model Talk: Amber Valleta, one of the prettiest of last season’s waif crop, recently wed her photographer boyfriend at the appropriately pious New York hot spot, Club USA . . . Saks Fifth Avenue’s Mother’s Day catalogue showcases several models with their equally attractive offspring (or godchild, as in the case of Marisa Berenson). None is so striking as Rod Stewart’s daughter and doppelganger, Ruby, by ex-flame Kelly Emberg . . . Well, as Linda Evangelista said, excusing herself from a fashion party recently, we’ve got to go and have our roots done.

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Inside Out is published Fridays.