It Will Be Tough to Tell When It’s Old-Timers’ Day

Tom Powers in the St. Paul Pioneer Press, discussing the Minnesota Twins’ recent penchant for signing veteran players:

“The local ballclub is taking quite a ribbing for signing several players who have been around so long that they once were spokesman for Chesterfield cigarettes.

“Joining Paul Molitor, 41, as Twin signees so far this winter are Otis Nixon, who once roomed with Cool Papa Bell, and Mike Morgan, one of the guys who pitched when there weren’t two days of rain after Spahn and Sain.”

*

Trivia time: Reader Steve Gabourie suggested this question: What do Michigan Coach Lloyd Carr and San Francisco 49er Coach Steve Mariucci have in common?

*

Price of spit? Denver linebacker Bill Romanowski was fined $7,500 for spitting in the face of 49er receiver J.J. Stokes in a Dec. 15 game.

“[NFL Commissioner] Paul Tagliabue is sending the message that it’s OK to spit in someone’s face,” 49er tight end Brent Jones told Monte Poole of the Oakland Tribune. “Seventy-five hundred? Give me a break. It should have been $25,000.”

*

Shaq attacked: From Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune, addressing Shaquille O’Neal: “How come you’re always too hurt to play but always healthy enough to make bad movies?”

*

Coaching clone: Greg Cote in the Miami Herald: “Aiming to find a new coach with similar personality and verve, [Nebraska] officials announce they will replace Tom Osborne with a cardboard cutout of Tom Osborne.”

*

Loser again: Steve Oakey in the San Diego Union-Tribune: “How bad a year has 1997 been for Dave Brown, the Giants’ quarterback who lost his starting job? He had Patrick Ewing in the Giants’ fantasy basketball league.”

*

Tough choice: From the Vent column of readers’ responses in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “My wife asked me if I loved her more than basketball. I said, ‘College or NBA?’ ”

*

Ugh! In a dreadful tug of war of teams going nowhere, the Chicago Bears beat the St. Louis Rams, 13-10, on Dec. 14, prompting Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune to write: “A tie in this game would have been like kissing your livestock.”

*

Confusing: Tim Keown in the San Francisco Chronicle: “One problem with hockey: You have to be incredibly hard-core--as well as a subscriber to numerous sportswear catalogs--to distinguish one black uniform from the other.”

*

Trivia answer: Both started at quarterback for Northern Michigan University.

*

And finally: On Nov. 7, Morning Briefing identified former Los Angeles professional football teams. Reader Jim Lenahan pointed out that three mid-1940s teams were excluded: the L.A. Mustangs, L.A. Wildcats and Hollywood Rangers, who played their games at Gilmore Stadium.

Lenahan should know. He was a quarterback for the Rangers.