Nothing Funny About His Crime

Downey’s California:

* I don’t give a fig leaf about Marv Albert’s personal habits. Personally, it doesn’t matter to me if a guy wears Underalls or overalls. One of the NBA’s top stars is a cross-dressing weirdo who gets to be in movies, even though he can’t act, and gets to be in hamburger commercials, even though he makes a lot of us sick.

What I do care about is that Albert confessed to, and was convicted of, a crime of sexual origin. Mike Tyson did a stretch in prison, rather than cop a plea to a similar act.

So, save your sympathy.

If a TV network chose to ban Albert because of his peculiarities or peccadilloes, then I would be opposed. Actors such as Hugh Grant, Eddie Murphy and Rob Lowe kept their livelihoods. So have many athletes and a number of politicians.

Albert, though, committed a crime, not a sin. I wouldn’t touch him--as an employer, at least--with a 10-foot pole.

*

* Speaking of TV commercials, isn’t it sad to see Miller beer go from the best ads in the world (1970s and ‘80s) to the worst? The more I watch those “Miller time” ads, the more it makes me want to buy Bud.

* NBC: SHOW US THE SCORE!

* I still say Seattle pitcher Randy Johnson looks like Buffalo Bill.

* Hey, that Dodger pitcher Chan Ho Park sure is popular. I see his name on signs, all over town.

* A collector’s magazine says the Kellogg’s Corn Flakes box featuring Fernando Valenzuela is worth $200. I wonder, is that with or without the cereal?

* If with, I wouldn’t touch those 15-year-old corn flakes with a 10-foot pole.

* NBC: SHOW US THE SCORE!

* Happy 90th birthday, belatedly, to Gene Autry. Having just been to Ted Turner Field at Olympic Stadium, I would like to respectfully suggest that those Edison and Disney people would agree to name the new place Gene Autry Field at Edison Stadium.

* (I know, it almost spells G-A-F-F-E-S, but the Angels could live with that.)

* Some day, maybe Anaheim and Atlanta will meet in a World Series played at the Ed and the Ted.

* NBC: SHOW US THE SCORE!

* Oh, and speaking of Atlanta, did any of you TNT “WCW Monday Night Nitro” pro wrestling viewers happen to see its hot new hero/villain, Bill Goldberg? Yes, that’s former Georgia Bulldog and Atlanta Falcon defensive tackle Bill Goldberg. I am so happy to see a Falcon find a more dignified job.

* By the way, I don’t watch wrestling. I, uh, only watch public television. I, uh, saw wrestling while channel-surfing. I, uh, was trying to find something on PBS with Helen Mirren or Diana Rigg. I, uh, wanted to pledge money.

*

* The year: 2017. The series, Baltimore vs. Seattle: The opponents: Cal Ripken III’s team vs. Ken Griffey III’s team.

* Bob Brenly of Fox TV, on a slow Seattle baserunner: “Edgar Martinez runs like he’s mad at the ground.”

* NBC: SHOW US THE SCORE!

* I went to see “In & Out” at my neighborhood movie theater. I thought it would be about a Clipper’s last-second shot.

* For the first time, after a big heavyweight fight, Andrew Golota’s opponent’s fist hurt.

* USC edged UNLV. Maybe next year, it can schedule Nevada Reno.

* UCLA is a fine football team. UCLA is 3-2. UCLA is ranked 18th. UCLA is one of the most overrated teams I have ever seen. UCLA beat Texas. So? Texas lost to Oklahoma State by 26 points. UCLA beat Arizona. So? Arizona’s record is 2-3. UCLA beat Houston. So? Houston is 1-4. UCLA lost to Tennessee. So? Florida slaughtered Tennessee. UCLA is a fine team. UCLA ends up 9-2, I will be very happy for it. UCLA, right now, one of America’s top 20 teams? Why? How?

* Do you think Notre Dame could defeat UNLV? I doubt it.

* NBC: SHOW US THE SCORE!

* I haven’t been paying attention. How are the San Francisco Giants doing?

* Dusty Baker’s copy of Sun-Tzu’s “Art of War” remains in his office. I think it’s right next to Jim Leyland’s copy of Tom Robbins’ “Still Life With Woodpecker.”

* I like Leyland’s chances to get the Florida Marlins to the World Series, unless he hears the surprise announcement: “Now pinch-hitting for Atlanta, Fran-CIS-co Ca-BRER-a.”

* NBC: SHOW US THE SCORE!

* Washington changed its NBA name from the Bullets to the Wizards. I think they should change their name to the Washington Promise Keepers.