Yuk It Up!

ANSWER THE DOOR, ALREADY

Knock. Knock.

Who’s there?

Owl.

Owl who?

I’ll “owl” ways love you. (Danny Healow, 6, Sacramento, Martin Luther King Jr. School)

Knock. Knock.

Who’s there?

Bee. Bee who?

Bee quiet, I’m trying to work. (Adam DeLuna, 9, Fountain Valley, James H. Cox School)

Knock. Knock.

Who’s there? Annie.

Annie who?

Annie body home? (Coral Reyes, 9, Ventura, Saticoy School)

Knock, Knock.

Who’s there?

Roach.

Roach who?

Roach you a letter--did you get it?

Knock. Knock.

Who’s there?

What, when, where, why, how, who.

What, when, where, why, how, who, who?

You don’t have to repeat yourself. (Matthew Castaneda, 10, Ventura, Saticoy School)

Knock. Knock.

Who’s there?

Dwayne.

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the bathtub, help, I’m dwowning! (Rachelle Blinoff-Mudd, 6, La Crescenta, Monte Vista Elementary School)

Knock. Knock.

Who’s there?

Alma.

Alma who?

Alma Valentine chocolates are gone. (Javier Hernandez, 12, Oak Tree Learning Center, Palmdale)

Knock. Knock.

Who’s there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Let us in. It’s cold outside! (Emily Abate, 7, Oak Park, Brookside Elementary)

Knock. Knock.

Who’s there?

Olive.

Olive who? Olive You! (Lucy A. Gutierrez, 7, Eagle Rock)

USE The CROSSWALK

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he saw Col. Sanders sneaking up behind him. (Julie Ann Cochran, 9, Laguna Niguel, George White School)

Why did the man cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken. (Quinn Zerfus, 14, Santa Monica, New Roads)

Why did the possum cross the road to the tree? He wanted to hang out. (Connor MacGillivray, 5, Los Angeles, Kenter Canyon Learn/Charter School)

Why did the sheep cross the road? To get to the baa-ber shop. (Jani van IerLand, 5, Pacific Palisades, Calvary Christian School)

Why did the lamb cross the road? To get to the baa-throom. (Emily Hancock, 6, Shadow Hills, Trinity Christian School)

Why did the hippo cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off. (Ethan Drew Krizman, 7, Alta Loma, Banyan Elementary School)

Why did the porcupine cross the road? Because he wanted to play poker with the other porcupine. (Amar Gupta, 8, Los Angeles, St. Stephens)

ANIMAL CRACK-UPS

Why did the cows buy a CD player? They like mooosic. (Esmeralda Marcial, 9, Los Angeles, Cahuenga Elementary School)

Who does a dog quarterback throw the ball to? A Labrador receiver. (Jeffrey T. Hershey, 6, North Hills, Valley Presbyterian School)

Why did the rabbit wear a hat? He was having a bad hare day. (Brandon Todd Frazier, 6, Los Angeles, A.F. Williams Christian Academy)

What do you get if you cross a mutt and a poodle? A muddle.

How do you spell mousetrap in three letters? C-A-T!

What did the puppy say to the shoe? “It’s been nice gnawing you!” (Dylan Wiggins, 9, Ventura, Saticoy School)

What day of the week do fish hate? Friday. (Brooke Denning, 7, Agoura, Brookside School)

Why wasn’t the woman afraid of the shark? It was a man-eating shark. (Zora Mann, 9, Ventura, Saticoy School)

What do you call a fish that has two knees? A Two-knee fish. (Ian Markle, 7, Long Beach, Lowell Elementary)

Why did the elephant wear sunglasses? To disguise himself. (Sasha Verma, 5, Tarzana, the Beginning Montessori School)

If you make a cow angry, how will it get even? It will cream you! (Jeremy Licea, 10, Ventura, Saticoy School)

What do you call the horse that lives next door? Your na-a-a-y-bor! (Lily Mark, 9, Los Angeles, Westwood Charter School)

What kind of bird is always sad? A blue bird. (Kate Rosenbaum, 6, Santa Monica, Canyon School)

Why did the dinosaur wear red tennis shoes? To hide in the rose bushes. (Joshua Fogelson, 5, Redondo Beach, Tuvia School at Temple Menorah)

What’s a fly’s favorite kind of car? A VW bug. (Marlow Wink, 10, Simi Valley, Berylwood School)

Why did the pig quit acting? Because he was sick of being a ham. (Bob Mauthe and Johnny Murphy, 7 and 8, Los Angeles, R.H.D.R.

What did the librarian say to the little puppy? “Shred any good books lately?” (Francis Anthony Palumbo, 7, Hawthorne, Juan Cabrillo Elementary)

What do they call a place where they put baby lions? A cubby-hole. (Robert Ancona, 12, Cota De Caza, St. John’s School)

What kind of wolf can people never find? A “where?”-wolf. (Kiffer Green, 10, Loma Linda, Bryn Mawr Elementary School)

Why did the female lion divorce her husband? She found out he was a cheetah. (Johnny Tafoya,13, Pico Rivera, River Jr. High)

How do cows count? By a cowculator. (Kimberly Sitcharungsi, 8, Glendora, Washington Elementary School)

What goes “Zzub zzub zzub . . .”? A bee flying backward. (Aviva Siegel, 9, Pacific Palisades, Marquez Charter Elementary School)

What did the goat say when he ate his money? “A cheap feast.” (Sebastian Mark, 8, Pacific Palisades, Marquez Charter Elementary School)

What is a cat’s favorite color? Purrrple. (Kelly Schermer, 9, Pacific Palisades, Marquez Charter Elementary School)

What do you give a hurt pig? Oinkment! (Madeleine E. Holmes, 5, Glendale, Zion Lutheran School)

What did the zookeeper see when the elephant squirted water from his trunk? A jumbo jet. (Jeffrey Herle, 9, Alpharetta, GA, Crabapple Crossing Elementary)

Why didn’t the lobster share his toys?

Because he was shellfish! (Natalie Kendall, 11, South Gate, Bryson Elementary)

What do you get when you cross an eagle and a bee? A beagle! (Mia Pruitt, 8, Los Angeles, Zela Davis Elementary)

Where do you send chickens that have no mother or father? To the Foster Farms. (Camille Saltzman, 4, West Los Angeles, Beth Am Elementary)

What is a frog’s favorite music? Hip-hop. (Kate James, 8, Palmdale, Joshua Hills Elementary)

What kind of degree do veterinarians get? A pet-degree! (Kaitlyn Fountain, 9, Ventura, Saticoy School)

What did Donald Duck’s pals call him after his report card showed straight A’s? A wise-quacker! (Emma Cary, 11, Camarillo, Los Primeros Elementary)

Why can’t mosquitoes bother a man while he is sleeping? Because they have to wake him up first, then bother him. (Alex Givens, 6, Encino, Nestle Elementary)

What is black and white and lives in Hawaii? A lost penguin.

What kind of cookies do birds like? Chocolate chirp. (Jeffre Akio Manzon, 7, Torrance, Arlington Elementary

What’s black and white and red all over? A penguin who just did a hundred push-ups. (Diana Ling, 8, Encino, Corinne Seeds University Elementary School at UCLA)

Why did the mouse run away from home? Because he didn’t like being tied to the computer. (Jesse Drummond, 8, Aliso Viejo, Crown Valley Elementary)

MONSTERS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a watchdog? A bloodhound. (Alex Wagner, 11, LaVerne, Hope Lutheran School)

What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends. (Timothy Roofian, 8, Los Angeles, Warner Ave. School)

What did one zombie say to another? “Get a life!” (Byresha Brown, 8, Los Angeles, Arlington Heights Elementary)

Where do ghosts go swimming? Lake Eerie. (Evan Zepfel, 8, Newport Beach, Andersen Elementary)

What did one vampire say to the other vampire? “Hello, Sucker!” (Wei Lee Wong, 10, Los Angeles, Roscomare Road School)

What did one vampire say to the other vampire? “Let’s go get a bite to eat.” (Roman Ginzburg, 10, Encino, Roscomare Road School)

What does a vampire put on when he gets out of the shower? His bat robe. (Timothy Roofian, 8, Los Angeles, Warner Ave. School)

It is the center of gravity. It is the capital of Vampire country. It runs through your veins. What is it? The letter V. (Travis Halachis, 9, Pacific Palisades, Marquez Charter Elementary School)

What kind of dog does a vampire have? A bloodhound. (Gabrielle Valenzuela, 8, Rialto, Fitzgerald Elementary)

SCHOOL’S NO LAUGHING MATTER

What can speak perfect English but has never gone to school? An echo. (Katie O’Rorke, 9, Solvang, Solvang Elementary)

When should teachers wear sunglasses? When they have really bright students. (James Barmasse, 7, Agoura Hills, Yerba Buena Elementary)

What are the three best reasons for being a teacher? June, July and August. (Erin Winn, 9, Bakersfield, Discovery Elementary School)

Why did the boy bring a bowl of goldfish to class? Because he heard fish love to swim in schools. (Elad Plotnik, 11, Los Angeles, Oak Middle School)

What is everyone’s favorite expression in school? “I don’t know.” (Bryan Hockman, 8, Rancho Palos Verdes, Mira Catalina Elementary)

Teacher: Bobby, if I have two sandwiches, and you have two sandwiches, what do we have?

Bobby: Lunch. (Jose Quintanilla, 10, Los Angeles, Queen Anne Place Elementary)

Why can’t ghosts lie to their teachers? Because the teacher can see right through them. (Jonathan Reyes, 11, Los Angeles, Queen Anne Place Elementary)

Boy: Mama, I think I’m smarter than my teacher.

Mom: Why?

Boy: Because she said she couldn’t teach me anything. (Alexandra Olmstead, 8, Laguna Niguel, Moulton Elementary)

Question: How are teachers like umpires?

Answer: They both penalize you for errors. (Wer Lee 10, Van Nuys, Roscomare Road School)

* So you’re saying, “Golly, gosh, it sure would be cool to have a poster of these jokes.”It can happen. Send $10 to A Gallon of Pints, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Attention: Carlos Santana, Life & Style-Third Floor, Los Angeles, CA 90053. Allow three to four weeks for delivery. Make checks payable to the Los Angeles Times.

Compiled by CONNIE KOENNEN, Times Staff Writer