LAUGH LINES

Something to Aspire to: According to an ABC News poll, only 17% of kids say they’d like to be president when they grow up. “Most of the kids said they’d rather sleep with the president and sign a huge book deal.” (Conan O’Brien)

Think About It: Bob Dole is the spokesman for Viagra. “Dole now has a vigorous sex life, he’s got phone sex, he’s got a wife who wants to be president--he didn’t just lose to Bill Clinton, he became Bill Clinton.” (Jay Leno)

Saints and Sinners: Media mogul Ted Turner apologized for telling a Polish joke in reference to Pope John Paul II. “At the Vatican, the pope apologized for consigning Turner to eternal damnation.” (Jerry Perisho)

Sole-Less: Reebok will lay off some 3,000 workers at its Indonesian plants. “That should save the payroll about $100.” (Chrisanne Eastwood)

Sold!: O.J. Simpson’s personal effects were auctioned off. “His Heisman Trophy went for $255,500, his USC Hall of Fame award sold for $1,800 and Kato went for $75.” (Zack Taylor)

From the Big House: The mayor of Hoboken, N.J., wants the state to issue license plates featuring the city’s most famous son, Frank Sinatra. “This is really touching. Some of Frank’s old business friends will be making the plates.” (Mark Wheeler)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.