Brought to you by . . .

These days, you’re nobody without a corporate sponsor. Just ask actor Mario Lopez, whose recent 34th birthday party at Hollywood’s Boulevard 3 was “presented” by Hornitos. The thoughtful distillery even provided a giant cake edged with mini-bottles of tequila.

John Mayer and his father, Richard, celebrated their birthdays together last week at the Rainbow Room in New York, thanks to funding by BlackBerry. Never mind the fact that the now 30-year-old singer has sold more than 9 million albums in his career. Rapper Ne-Yo turned 25 with Belvedere vodka and Rockport footing the bill. No word on whether Ne-Yo’s cake was adorned with edible, comfy dress shoes.

But it’s not just birthday parties that are up for grabs. Tupperware graciously bankrolled Tori Spelling’s baby shower earlier this year. What’s next? Funerals sponsored by Red Bull? A bris, brought to you by Manischewitz?

It seems these companies shouldn’t limit their generosity to celebrity functions. Every day, nonfamous but fascinating people celebrate occasions that call for a surfeit of freebies and offer amazing photo ops. Why should rich actors and musicians be the only ones to cash in on this tacky trend? Herewith, a sampling of sponsored parties that would make perfect sense to me:

Margo Decker’s “Silent Passage Party” at Applebee’s in Alhambra, sponsored by Ketel One vodka. This 53-year-old ex-librarian will commemorate her first hot flash and get giddy with a special signature drink: the menopau-tini. The local Red Hat Society chapter is sending a photographer and will cover in its monthly newsletter.

Donnie Biladew’s “I’m Getting Lasik Blowout” in his basement in Monrovia, sponsored by Jose Cuervo tequila. Biladew, 46, and his pals plan to get blind drunk and stomp on his vast collection of prescription eyeglasses. Possible partnership opportunity with the Vision Council of America.

The first annual “Reconciliation Picnic” of Tim Murphy Sr. and son Tim Jr., held in their backyard in Whittier and sponsored by T-Mobile Sidekick. Watch the estranged father and son text for the first time, ending a bitter battle that kept them on non-speaking terms for 17 years. Oprah has expressed interest in sending a camera crew.

Cat Lover magazine’s “Pet Psychic Fair” in the parking lot of Petco in Culver City, sponsored by Hpnotiq. Specialists with ESP will communicate telepathically with cats, dogs, gerbils, and birds -- living and dead -- to help their owners better understand the needs of their pets. Red carpet provided by Scotchgard.

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